Thursday, February 27, 2014

I am enough.

Photo courtesy of my awesome sis-in-law Amber
Her doctor says to just let her cry it out, but I'm not made of stone. I hear those sad cries in the middle of the night and I can't help but spring out of bed to comfort my poor child. It used to be harder. I would go to hold her and she would just get more angry, scream harder, and throw herself back. I'll be honest, this really frustrated me. I wanted to cry and scream louder than her, "I'm trying to help you and you're just rejecting me!"  

As my baby has grown, she has changed into this truly loving bundle of joy. She giggles so much and smiles at me, she reaches for me and sometimes even cries when I have to leave her for a short while. She is also more cuddly and receptive to my comfort. Everytime I hold her, I feel like the Grinch at the end of his movie. All my frustration and stress from the day fade away as I look at her tiny hand grasped around mine, her rosy cheeks all covered in grime from feeding herself Cheerios, her eyes with those oh so ridiculously long lashes slowly drooping closed, and my heart grows two sizes. 

Then the feeling hits me like a ton of bricks. This feeling creeps up every once in a while, and I usually just brush it aside and push it down deeper. But tonight I decided, no more pushing it away. No more pretending it isn't there. It is time to address it and to deal with it before it gets any farther. 

This feeling brings these thoughts to my mind and leaves me blinking away the tears and clutching at my heart as I retreat back into myself.

I can never be enough for this child. I am not nearly good enough for this child. I cannot give her everything she deserves or possibly teach her everything she needs to know. I am too busy to rock her to sleep every night. I am not wise enough to train her up in the way that she should go. She just loves me now because babies love their mothers, she will hate me as a teenager and young woman because of all the ways that I have failed her. I was never around enough. I didn't prove my love to her enough. I am not enough to be the mother of this tiny, perfect little child. 

It is then that I hear a gentle voice in my head say, 

"My strength is made perfect in your weakness. You are enough through Me. I have determined her preappointed times and the boundaries of her dwelling. In eternity past, I planned for her to be in your family. For you to be her mother and your husband her father. I know the plans I have for her. I formed her inward parts. I knit her together in your womb. Her steps are established by me and, when she falls, because she will, she will not be hurled headlong because I am holding her hand. Today you are shaping her. Today you are molding her into the child, girl, and woman she will eventually be. Today you are fulfilling your calling as her mother that I ordained for you and for her. Today you are enough.


Today is the day I have made, so rejoice and be glad in it." 


My dear fellow mothers, sisters, and daughters of the Lord Most High, you are also enough. Everything God has said to me is true for you as well. God has mapped out your entire life and wants to accompany you on that journey. He loves you more than I could ever possibly love my daughter or you could love your child or your mother could ever love you. He loves you, and you are enough.

If you would like to know more about this loving God, please email me at thepinkherbivore@gmail.com. 


2 Corinthians 12:9,  Acts 17:26, Jeremiah 17:9, Psalm 139:13-14, Psalm 37: 23-24, Psalm 118: 24

1 comment :

I'm so excited to hear what you have to say! Thank you for taking the time to comment on my post! =]