When I’m up again in another couple of hours, blearily nursing my newborn son, I might regret staying up to write this. I can’t help it though. The thoughts are just pouring out of me, demanding that they be given form.
My life is so overwhelmingly beautiful right now. As this thought came into my mind, I laid in bed with my husband, holding hands over the head of our newborn son nestled between us. You could hear the occasional squeak as my son took his soft breaths, and my daughter decided to have her voice heard in the next room. She let out just a single cry, and I sighed with relief. As much as I love her, we both need the rest.
I still can’t believe that this is where my life is. I can’t believe that the tiny child in between us was in my belly just days ago or that it’s already been over a year since I brought my first tiny child into the world. To think that I have been blessed so abundantly… That God has trusted this little ones in the care of my husband and me… It takes my breath away and brings tears to my eyes.
I keep thinking of that moment this Sunday morning. In the wee hours of a morning, right as I reached the point where I felt I could no longer bear the pain, it was just one final push and a tiny, purple human came squealing into my sight. I want to remember that feeling forever. Not the pain, but the joy… the pride… the relief… The emotions are so all at once and so very overwhelming. I could never do it justice with the limitations of language.
My heart is so full. It is so full of joy. So full of pride. So full of love. I was afraid that I could never love another tiny human as much as I love Lisanna. Then I met Arrow. This love is so very different, but it is not weaker. As I gaze at this perfect little being that my body wove together over nine months, I feel an inexpressible amount of love.
I know those first nine months were only a shadow of the labor to come, but I know it will be worth it. I know that my children will cause me so much heartache, but that they will also make me feel as I do now.
Proud. Joyful. Incredulous. Overwhelmed. Blessed.